Soundless Voice
by Eri Reed
Summary: Chi once had the voice of an angel. But then things changed. And she was never the same again.


Chi once had a voice like an angel. When she would sing, when she would talk, even in her smallest whisper, it was the sweetest sound in the world. She was the last born of the Second Exorcists. As if a miracle, it was only two months after I was born. I was watching Alma talk with the other children when all of the sudden there was a splash. The two of us exchanged glances. Was it in our heads?

To answer our question, somewhere in the corner, the splash came again. Alma bolted over there. I followed him, actually curious. Slowly, out of the water, a limp hand lifted itself. Alma shook me roughly. "Yu! Yu! Look, look! A new Apostle!" As he sprinted out of the room to get Edgar, he called back to me to help him out. At first I didn't know what to do. My heart was going a thousand miles an hour.

A new Apostle. That meant that this Apostle would have to go through the pain that Alma and I had to. As I grabbed the pale hand, I thought about killing him. He shouldn't go through what we had to. But just as I was about to make my decision, I pulled him out of the water…and saw it was a girl. I didn't know why at the time, but my cheeks suddenly went warm as her naked body fell into my arms. Her hair was as long as mine was when I was born. Her soaking hair was as black as mine, but her eyes were a bright green color.

She was shivering with intense cold, clutching on to my jacket. I didn't put my arms around her, because at the time, I didn't how I should have. She looked up at me and stared deep into my eyes. And in a quiet, sweet voice, she said:

"Hello…"

I blinked. Just as I was about to question her, Dr. Edgar rushed in with some other scientists. Edgar nervously chuckled as he spoke frantically, thanking me for holding on to her, and then babbling on about how amazing this was as he pulled her away from me, wrapping her in two towels and then lifting her into his arms. She was as thin as a twig. Above her left breast, I saw her mark. The same mark Alma and I had. And I knew there was no going back for her because she was one of us.

…

Alma literally pushed me to the medical room where they had Chi. I only knew her name was Chi because Alma wouldn't shut the hell up. He kept ranting on about how he had no idea that Chi would turn out to be a girl. "Isn't Chi a guy's name or what? Then again, my name is Alma, which I hear is a girl's name. Isn't that funny, Yu? I wish they would have told me that Chi was a girl. Now I'm all nervous to meet her. You think she's gonna be mean like you were or real nice? I hope she likes mayonnaise. That would be-"

I turned on him as we stopped at the door. "Alma!" I snapped. "Calm. down. Just get inside and meet the girl already."

"Come with me!" he exclaimed, not even bothering to wait for my answer. Though I didn't really want to meet her, he grabbed my wrist and pulled me into the room. Chi was waiting on the bed, dressed and ready to go. They cut her hair to her shoulder blades; it was still just as black, but straight, thick, and sleek, her bangs curling inwardly. She was dressed like us, too, except her shirt covered her chest. Other than that, her stomach was visible, she wore tight leather capris and sandals.

Edgar was brushing her hair behind her. She sat stilly, but comfortable, her green eyes scanning everything in the room with curiosity, swinging her legs. I stayed a bit behind Alma as he rushed over to her. She smiled a sweet smile at both of us, but I just scowled. I couldn't put my finger on it, but just looking at her, I…I hated her.

"Hey, there!" Alma said, practically bouncing up and down. "My name's Alma! And this is Yu! Oh, but don't worry – I already know your name. You're Chi. It's sure nice to meet you, Chi. You're awfully pretty."

Pink tinted her cheeks. "Pretty…? Well…thank you."

That voice of hers…It sent a pang of hurt through my chest. I couldn't explain it. I was getting better at accepting the scientists around me, but she was an exception. Maybe it was because I knew it wouldn't just be Alma and me anymore. And for some God-awful reason, I hated that idea. In reality, it should have been a great thing. It wasn't just the two of us anymore. And there might be more on the way.

Alma invited her to hang out with us. Of course, she did. However, I said little as they played together and attempted to get me to join them. She didn't cry like Alma did when I blew her off. Instead, she would pause and then nod, and tell Alma that it was okay if I wasn't ready to play yet. As they laughed and talked together (mostly Alma rambled on), I just stared at her. The feeling of knowing her, but not knowing her at the same time tore me apart.

…

When it came to trying to synch with Innocence, she was the worst of us all. She became exhausted easily and took much longer than Alma and me to regenerate. Her screams could be heard from two rooms away. And there was that stab of hurt. Something inside me wanted to help her, but I wasn't going to. I focused on the pain before me and set my teeth against the sting. I wished I could cover my ears so I wouldn't have to hear her.

...But, that night, I shot up in bed because of that same dream. Cold sweat soaked my brow as I tried to catch my breath. Every time that Akuma killed "me," I woke up. Alma was still sound asleep to my left. But the bed on my right was empty. Chi was gone. I became almost frightened. Had Twi or Sarinz taken her away because she was so weak? Scowling at the thought, I slipped out of bed and put on my coat.

I didn't care call out her name, lest I wake someone. I had to calm myself down first. Think of all the possibilities. She could have just taken a walk. So the first place I went was the northern lab, where the other Apostles were brewing. In my head, I listed off the names of places she would know the location of: the northern lab, the cafeteria, the synchronization rooms, Sarinz's office-

Before I could try to think more, a voice echoed softly. It was a beautiful voice. Singing a melody. It was coming from the northern lab. Despite trying to keep my cool, I ended up running to the lab. It was dark there. The only source of light was the lights glowing from the ponds. My eyes scanned the room, doing a double take when I found the source of the singing. Needless to say, it _was_ Chi.

She was in the far corner of the room, lying on her stomach in front of the pond where she was born. Her chin was rested on her palm while her other hand toyed with the lotus floating on the lily pad in the pond. She was the one singing quietly. A lullaby. Her voice was enchanting.

_And I will sing for you, my love,_

_Can you hear me scream your name?_

_And I would die for you, my love,_

_So please, stay with me._

_I know you are out there,_

_Can you hear my voice?_

_You know that I love you, so please…_

_I know that I can't have you in my arms,_

_But the pain is too much to bear._

Then she went quiet. I heard her let out a shaky sigh. For the moment, I couldn't do anything. Didn't know what to do in the first place. Before I could make up my mind to leave her alone, her head suddenly swiveled around and caught my eye. She blushed and sat up on her knees, drying her wet hand on her coat. "Yu," she said uncertainly, "what…what are you doing here?"

I shifted uncomfortably. "Che…I-I couldn't sleep is all."

Her smile was as wonderful as her voice. "Really? Me neither," she said. "You can sit here with me if you'd like."

Grumbling, I reluctantly made my way over to her. She was harmless anyway. As I sat beside her, she sat back on her butt, bringing her knees up to her chest. I sat with my legs in front of me, leaning back on my arms, watching her lotus.

Chi rested her chin on her knees. "Did you have a bad dream, too?"

I blinked and looked at her. "What? You had a nightmare?" I asked, avoiding the subject of mine.

Her smile weakened and she nodded. The water reflecting off her eyes made her seem unworldly. "I did. And it was weird." She frowned, her brow furrowing. "I think it was…me, but I was in a field – a wheat grass field, I think the word was. My arm was shaky and I was hurt. I was laying on my stomach, reaching out for…something." She smiled sadly. "I was clutching my stomach and crying and begging…whoever to let me live. 'I have to help him,' I said, 'I have to tell him I…'" She paused.

"You had to what?" I urged, surprised at my own curiosity.

But she shook her head. "I don't know. I woke up then." She looked at me. "Pretty weird, huh?"

I didn't tell her, but it wasn't as weird as she thought. My dream was similar. I'd been having that dream for the longest time. That was the first time I didn't see _that woman_ when I woke up. I thought that if I didn't answer her, she wouldn't talk anymore. But then she spoke up again with:

"Yu…What are we?"

My eyes widened a bit at the question. I saw that there were tears threatening in her eyes. "What are you talking about, you idiot?" I snapped.

She winced and I immediately regretted calling her that. "I mean…How come you, me, and Alma are the only ones who have to try to synchronize with Innocence? And we're also the only ones with these markings on our chests, and we can heal a lot quicker than anyone. Is that – normal? Was Dr. Edgar born out of a hole, too?"

The look in her eye was unbearable. "He says that he was born from his mother. But we don't really have mothers because we were born here." How could I put our situation to her easily? I was sure she wasn't ready to hear that the only reason we were alive was to fight, to save the world from Akuma. So instead, I settled with, "I don't know why we're so different, Chi."

"Well," she said, "I hope we find out soon. As long as we have each other, though, we don't have to worry about it, right?"

_Lie to her…_ "Yeah. Sure."

…

The next 193 days were the best of my life. Alma, Chi, and I actually got along. I kept seeing _that woman_, and Chi told us that her dreams were getting more vivid, and she kept seeing a man when nothing was there. We were started to think we were all crazy, but we wouldn't tell Edgar or Twi. Chi started calling Edgar "dad" and Twi "mom." Edgar was the closest to us, but Twi was distant.

Chi's favorite food was toast, and after a while, she and Alma began combining mayonnaise and toast together as a meal. It was disgusting, but they loved it. She sang for us when no one was around because she didn't like for the scientists to hear her. I think it was because she trusted us the most. We were the most alike. She got better in her regenerating, but still didn't heal as fast as Alma and me.

When she had a nightmare, she wouldn't run off. Instead, she would crawl into Alma's bed so he could hold her. Only once every blue moon, I would wake up because she would crawl under the blanket with me. I didn't hold her like Alma did, but she liked to hold me instead. It creeped me out.

And everything was going fine…until the night came that I woke up and she wasn't there. I was actually worried; that hadn't happened for months. I shook Alma awake and we put on our coats. She had to be in the northern lab, so that was the first place we went. And sure enough, she was there. In the corner, where she was born, she sat pressed against the wall, face buried in her knees, hands clutching her hair tightly. She was sobbing quietly.

Alma and I exchanged glances and then made our way over to her. "Chi…?" Alma said softly, reaching out to her. Before he could even touch her, she lashed out at him, slapping his hand away, screaming, _"Don't touch me!"_

We were taken back. Her eyes were wide and incredulous, filled with fear and tears. Her hair was a mess, and she had to be freezing her butt off because she wasn't wearing her coat.

"Chi, what's the matter? Did you have another nightmare?" Alma asked carefully.

Chi just shook her head. "This is all your fault," she growled, "both of you! How could you? I trusted you…" Her eyes went from Alma to me now. Her voice gradually rose. "And I called for you. I cried for you. Why didn't you come? Why didn't you come? I thought…I thought…!" Tears streamed down her cheeks. "I hate you…I hate you both…" she wept.

Taking the risk, Alma slowly knelt before her and took her into his arms. She struggled at first, but when he wouldn't let her go, she eventually first. "It was just a dream, Chi," he whispered to her. "It was just a dream."

Chi shook her head against his shoulder. "No…It wasn't."

…

The very next day was the day that I killed Alma. Chi was lying on the floor, trying her hardest to regenerate her slashed throat, broken and beaten body. In her hands were two feathery, bloody blades I could only guess she used to protect herself. She watched our every blow; she watched her two best friends, her only friends, kill each other. As I gave the final blow, I heard her scream.

"_Nooooo!"_

That scream was the last thing she ever said. Since that day, she never spoke a word.

The Asia Branch closed down the Second Exorcist Project forever, and Chi and I were to be shipped off to the Black Order, home of Exorcists.

We sat side-by-side in the hall in silence. All around us, many other scientists screamed and cried. Doctors and nurses were cleaning up the dead bodies. Chi had her face buried in her knees again, covering her ears so she wouldn't hear all the tumult. I just sat there, staring at nothing, unwilling tears streaming down my cheeks. Both of our clothes were stained with blood, but neither of us mentioned it.

A young man with long blond hair shoved passed the doctors and sprinted into the northern lab. He looked just like Edgar, but I didn't mention it. Instead, I just cried more tears because Edgar was dead. The young man screamed, crying out, "Mom! Dad!" howling with the pain of losing his parents.

When we had settled at the castle known as The Black Order, I didn't see much of Chi. She locked herself in her room and spoke to no one. When the scientists were done with our new uniforms, I took hers and went to her room. Her room was spacious, like mine. She kept the lights off. I almost missed her, until I noticed that she was lying on her stomach, on her bed, with her face hidden in the pillow. I frowned, my heart giving a twist.

I sat on her bed. "Hey, girl…" I said harshly, "your uniform is here. They want you to try it on."

She shook her head slowly.

I rolled my eyes. "Tch. Why do you have to be so difficult? Just put on the uniform, will you?"

She remained still.

After three minutes of silence, I let out a sigh of exhaustion. I threw her uniform on the ground and covered my eyes with my hands, hunching over. "Please talk to me, Chi," I begged quietly. "I just want to hear your voice again."

Again, she didn't answer me.

Tears welled up in my eyes. "What did you see?" I whispered. "Three days ago, when you had that nightmare…Did you see your past life?" I released an involuntary sob. "Please answer me…What did you see?"

I never got an answer out of her. As years went by, she stayed as quiet as a mouse. The most she did was grunt in pain when she got hurt on missions. She was as strong as I was with those fans of hers. And the older we got, the more beautiful she was. But I would never tell anyone that. Daisya Barry became her best friend, in a sense. He wouldn't leave her side. The dope would try his hardest to make her laugh, even get a smile out of her.

And though she would every once in a while, her smiles were brief and fleeting. But at least she smiled. I, on the other hand, became cold-hearted. She was brave to let others into her life after so many years; she very gradually allowed people to be in her presence. But, then again, that didn't mean that she thought of others as her "friends." She wasn't like me – pushing everyone away, hating _everything _I saw. And she at least smiled. But in a way, we were just alike. I knew because she still hadn't spoken yet.

The day she spoke was the day she let go of the past.

We never bonded in those years. When it was possible, we actually avoided one another. Every now and then, I would catch the little creep watching me. And every now and then, the little creep would catch me watching her. I didn't love her. Of course I didn't. I couldn't. Virtually everything in my body wanted me to kill her. I should have finished her off along with Alma so she wouldn't have to be an Exorcist. She was better off dead.

Even still, there were times I couldn't help to look at her and wonder what she was thinking – if she was thinking at all. And there were rare times when I would see her with Daisya and I wanted to kill him. He shouldn't be around her. He knew nothing about her. I thought he was taking advantage of her somehow, in some way. It wasn't his fault. But Chi was a fragile girl, no matter how strong she was.

We had gone to hell together and came back together. And while I cut myself off from the world, silently loathing, she went mute. She never wanted to open her mouth again. Did she not want to say the wrong thing? Was she hoping that by not speaking a word, she wouldn't have to depend on anyone? I always thought that she didn't speak because she would regret what she said. Because if she ever allowed herself to utter the words I love you to anyone, she would hate herself, because in no time, they would be dead.

Just like Alma.

Six years later, she said the most I had heard in a very long time. It wasn't a word, or a phrase, or a sentence, though. I was finishing up my soba when it happened. She was sitting far off with Lenalee and the stupid new Exorcist – Lavi. To this day, I don't know what was said or what happened. But that day…was the day she laughed for the first time in six years. It was a quiet laugh, barely even a chuckle, really. But just the fact that she uttered a sound of pleasure sent a wave of long forgotten emotions over me.

Without even cleaning my mess, I grabbed my katana and got the hell out of there.

That was the last time she ever laughed, though. Her Mona Lisa smile would appear just a bit more often than before since the stupid rabbit came around. But she still never spoke a word.

…

To my anger, her content-like state faded once Allen Walker joined the Black Order. Everything went downhill after that. Before things went to shit, Lenalee introduced Chi to the beansprout. An unexplainable rage boiled my blood when I saw her blush the first time she laid eyes on him. I hated him even more after that.

Chi accompanied me to find our master, General Tiedoll. The travel was excruciatingly quiet, but I wasn't complaining.

And then when the day came that Daisya died, it hurt to see her cry. She hadn't cried in years, or not that I was aware. But as the sun rose behind us, she fell to her knees in front of Daisya's lifeless body, and she cried. She held his hand in hers and rested her head on his unmoving chest. Her jagged breaths were the only sound.

Then it was just Marie, Tiedoll, Chi, and me.

We went on our own way from the beansprout until we decided to go to Japan to assist in finding Cross. Chi fought the giant Akuma valiantly and silently. When the Noah had disappeared and we were all resting, I spotted her standing on the edge of where what little land was left met the nothingness. She was alone. It was impossible to tell if she was deep in thought or not. Taking a risk, I went over to her and stood beside her. She shifted her green eyes to me, confused.

We hadn't spoken- well…I hadn't made an attempt to talk to her in eight years. But something had taken over me and I had to talk to her. Or at least try to. "Hmph," I started, "why are we even here?"

Chi shrugged her shoulders and then went on staring out in the distance.

"Annoying," I commented, folding my arms.

I wasn't fooling her. She hated me. For killing Alma. For not coming for her when she cried for me before we died. Maybe even for being alive. Or for not killing her.

When the vampire came, she left the two of us to wander off.

…Chi fell into the Ark after me. She had fallen on top of me, and I felt her hand gripping my jacket. But when we all stood, she acted as if nothing happened.

She was the first of us to go. The first door we opened led to a vast meadow. We could barely make out the misplaced door at the edge of the forest many yards away. There, a Noah named Lulubell was waiting for us.

Chi was the one to fight her.

Before any of us could advance forward on the Noah, Chi outstretched her arm to stop us. She slipped her two fans from their holsters on her thighs and opened them. Looking over her shoulder at us, she nodded her head to the door at the forest.

"What? We're not going to leave you! Are you crazy, Chi?" the beansprout snapped.

Chi paused. And then a smirk slowly made its way to her lips and she nodded. She swung her arm at us, as if trying to banish us. And then she dashed toward the Noah. She faked like she was going to swing her fan, but instead slipped them back at the last minute and tackled Lulubell. The two women fell to the ground, Chi's fingers clamping around her neck.

The beansprout started forward to help Chi, but I stopped him. "Don't," I said. "We have to get out of here to get to the General. Chi will catch up. Let's go."

With much resistance, the pack of us ran to the forest. As I took my last look at her, she actually smiled. A Mona Lisa smile, but nonetheless, it was directed at me.

I knew she would kill the Noah and then join up with me later. But that never came. As I fought Skinn Bolic, my heart of stone almost stopped because the door Chi came out of collapsed. And I knew she was gone forever.

...After I came back to life from "dying," I sat there in shock. I should have died. I carefully made my way to the door where the others had gone through, convinced that I had survived somehow and that Chi was really dead. Until I heard a cough behind me. When I turned, she was there, standing shakily. Though her cuts had healed themselves, she was still left dirty and bruised. Her jacket had been torn in many places and was left unzipped where I could see her curse mark above her sleeveless shirt.

Holding her arm, she made her way over to me, and without warning…Chi hugged me long and tight.

…

Even after that incident, she still wouldn't talk. A year later, we were assigned to protect the Jordan camp together. It was probably fate that she was dragged into it. Or maybe they planned to bring her all along.

When that Noah bastard came, I stood in front of her defensively. But it was no use. "How wonderful!" he exclaimed, "a two for one!" Chi was knocked unconscious and just before I could catch her, so was I.

When I came to, she was laying on her side across from me. And under the glass we lie on was a scarred, disgusting body. She was already awake, staring down at the body, tears streaming from her eyes. The body no doubt resembled a distant Alma Karma, but it couldn't be him. Alma was dead.

The Noah forced Chi and me to relive our past, and then – overcome with rage – I fought Alma, ready to kill him forever. The second Chi saw Alma, she was stunned. She attempted to go to Alma and embrace him, but he was crazed. He attacked her, nearly killed her, until my rage took over and we fought once more.

…As the battle came to an end and I was entering the Ark Allen had made, I saw her. She was crying again. And she reached out for me with the most painful look in her eyes I had ever seen. But I couldn't go back. I had finally found Alma. And I loved her.

…

And I didn't see her until three months later, when I returned to the Order. Chi was standing beside Bak Chan, her hand on his shoulder, as the grown man cried over his dying relative. She watched my every move with unbelieving eyes. And then when Zhu had finally died, she turned away, and walked out.

After learning about what happened since I disappeared, I made the decision to find Allen Walker. But before I could do that, I had to talk to Chi.

It was hard to do, but eventually I found her hiding in a dark, vacant hallway. Her face was hidden in her knees. She was silent. I sat beside her wordlessly. A sense of déjà vu came over me. Once again, we were both brokenhearted, Alma was dead, and the Order did not care.

I sighed deeply. "Listen, Chi," I started, "Alma is dead now. For good. He's never coming back."

I heard her gulp down a sob.

I continued slowly. "But I'm going to stay with the Order, all right?" I paused, almost hoping she would reply. But she didn't. After several minutes of silence, I hung my head and asked in a whisper, "Do you hate me?"

She nodded slowly.

"I thought as much." I shifted my eyes away. It was my own fault for asking; I wanted the answer. "I know all about our past. And how Alma and I were Exorcists before we died. How Alma and I were in love." She winced and nodded. I looked at her. "What happened to you?" I asked in a low voice. "What happened before you died, Chi? Why did you say you trusted Alma? And you hated me because I didn't come when you called for me."

I suspected as much, but Chi still didn't answer. I gritted my teeth in anger and hurt.

"Please," I begged, my voice trembling. "I know you can talk…Please answer me…"

It wasn't like me to beg. There was no way in hell I was going to cry – didn't even feel like it – but with all that happened, the thing I needed most was to hear Chi's voice. Her angelic voice. The voice that once loved to sing and laugh.

"Chi…" I urged.

I waited. I would have waited for centuries if I had to. But after half an hour of waiting, I just…gave up. Chi was never going to be the same. Neither of us were after what happened nine years before. I was _never_ going to hear her voice again.

Disappointed and deplorable inside, I stood on my feet. "Good bye then, Chi," I said without looking back at her.

I took one step away…when a hand suddenly gripped my wrist. And as I turned, my lips fell upon hers. She was soft and sweet. I wanted to pull away. How could she kiss me after what I had just told her about Alma? But…I couldn't bring myself to do it. Instead, I found myself tangling my fingers in her silky, straight hair, one hand on her waist. Her right hand was on my cheek, her other hand on my shoulder.

And when she pulled away, we stared into each other's eyes a dazed moment. And then, in her sweet and beautiful voice that had been long kept away from the world, she said,

"I loved you, too."


End file.
